I definitely went through culture shock. I don't remember exactly when it started but it began slowly and I learned the hard way that a new culture is shocking.
I lived with a Filipina, Olga. She was a Bible woman for the church. I had a talk with her when we first moved in together. I said: "Please tell me when I make mistakes. I am new to this culture and I have a lot to learn. I need your help."
I am a person who asks a lot of questions. I always have. I ask questions so that I can learn and know and understand. So, since Olga was my roommate, and she was the one I had asked to help me, I began to ask her questions. Questions like: Why do you wash the dishes that way? Why do you do your laundry that way? Why is the wet market set up the way it is set up? What is the difference between going to the market and going to the grocery? How do you flush the toilet if there is no handle to push so that it will flush? Why do you cook rice that way? Why do they say the meeting starts at 3pm when really it starts at 5pm? When a visitor comes to my house and I ask him if he wants something to drink and he says no, why am I a bad hostess since I didn't give him anything to drink? ..... I remember asking question after question. I was a sponge who wanted to learn everything I could about life in the Philippines.
I had no idea the trouble that my questions were brewing. One day Olga stopped talking to me. I couldn't figure out what was going on. I asked her over and over what the matter was. I was totally baffled. So, I asked her the big question: "Is it me? Have I done something to upset you?" When she wouldn't look at me or answer my question, I knew I had done something.
I left the house to go on a walk. I walked all over Agoo for a couple of hours talking to the Lord in prayer. "Lord, what have I done? What did I do to make her so angry with me? I am trying so hard to do the right thing. I am trying so hard to ask before I do anything so that I will know what is appropriate and what is inappropriate. I am really sincerely trying Lord. What have I done?"
I arrived back home to both Pastor Cleveland and Olga sitting in our sala/living room. While I had been away, she had gone to Pastor Cleveland to ask for help in talking to me. She had asked him to join us so she could bear her heart to me. She had written me a letter. As I sat and listened to the words that she had written in her letter, I began to wrestle with what she was trying to say to me.
All of the questions I had asked her were in the letter. All of the help I had wanted from her was hitting me in the face. She had taken each question personally. She had taken each question as a slap to the culture of the Filipino people -- her people. All I could do was listen. As I listened, my tears began to flow slowly. As the letter got longer and longer as to the hurt I had caused her, my tears turned to weeping. I had never cried so hard in my life. I had to put my head down between my knees to keep from passing out. I was crying because I had hurt my new friend. I was crying because everything she was saying was not what I had intended. What I had intended for good and learning had become a thorn in her side. I was totally devastated by the hurt I had caused. I was totally shocked that no one had said a word to me until now.
When the letter was finally over. I was asked to respond. I got down on my knees in front of Olga and I apologized for hurting her. I explained that I had not meant to hurt her. I explained that my questions were sincere and had nothing to do with her culture but with my own stupidity and wanting to learn. Pastor Cleveland was able to help us come to forgiveness and healing. He prayed with us and left us alone after it was over. We went to our separate rooms to absorb what had just happened.
I honestly do not remember the next morning or the days that immediately followed. I do remember that we continued to live together. I continued to learn from Olga and go visiting with her. I continued to be her friend. But, my questions stopped. The excitement that I had had before was no longer there. I was different. I was learning a great lesson. I was learning to think and pray carefully before speaking. I was learning that my personality needed to change. It was a hard lesson and one that has taken me years upon years in the Philippines to learn.
Twenty years after this incident, Olga is still my friend. We are both strong personalities and I believe that was part of the problem. Some people are better friends than roommates. It was a lesson we both had to learn. And we both had to learn it the hard way. But, God's grace is beautiful and forgiveness is awesome.
I also remember that God knows the way that I take and when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold. I was being tested. I was on my way to coming forth as gold. How many more tests would come, I didn't know. It was good that I didn't know or I would have left the Philippines and missed all that God wanted for me in the way that I take.
Stay with me .... more testing ahead.
